Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Every time I think I'm out...

This keyboard feels funny. I think the old QWERTY fellows are in a bit of a huff with me for not using them for some time. Anyway, I’m back because in the comments of my last, decaying post, Good Dog tagged me with a slow meme that’s been doing the rounds for a while. It’s finally got around to my corner of the blogging universe. Here in the blog at the end of the street, we serve hard liquor for men who want to get drunk fast.

Here are five secrets from my shameful past:

• I have stolen from just about every employer I’ve worked for, except my first, who sacked me for gross mismanagement.

• On a cross-channel ferry, I had a man thrown in the brig for trying to swindle the duty-free, then kept his cigarettes.

• I helped get my RE teacher pregnant, by getting her wasted at an aftershow party on the first weed she’d smoked in years. She banged our school technician, and nine months later...

• I got into a bit of a tussle at Glastonbury one year. When I got back I had to play Little Red Riding Hood’s grandma in front of a bunch of primary school kids, with a Victorian nightie, night-cap and a huge bruised and swollen jaw.

• The Met set up surveillance in my front room to scope out a local dealer. I had very little time to give my own pusherman the heads-up before he showed up for his weekly drop. Another time, the Man almost crashed a chopper in my back garden trying to chase some desperate toerag across half of South London.

8 comments:

  1. Yo!

    We all like a work thief!

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  2. Sorry, I seem to have stumbled on to Reggie Kray's blog by mistake. Can you point me back to Lee's place??

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  3. I've only gone public if the statute of limitations has expired.

    There's a lot more I could tell you, James. Stuff to keep you up at nights, a pot of coffee and a loaded gun at the bedside.

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  4. Fuck me sideways, I seem like such a lightweight with my list of five!

    Bravo, Lee!

    (though I did do a chunk of self-censorship before hitting the Publish button, as GD well knows...)

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  5. Riddley, your spending an evening with Traci Lords reminds me of the time I had breakfast with Beverly Turner. Good days...

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