Monday, January 15, 2007

Trapped in amber

I feel like I’m being left behind; surfing through treacle on a wimpy 56k connection. I can sense time congeal around me, while I wait for pages to load. Is this what the internet used to be like? How do people still put up with it? It’s impossible! My online activities have been seriously curtailed. Thankfully, I have a luxuriously sized collection of unwatched DVDs to get through, and plenty more time to go to the gym. Nevertheless, I’m suffering from withdrawal, and unfamiliar pangs of loneliness. Pathetically, I can’t stand being cut-off from you lot, even though I know you’re not actual people, just a bunch of unreal web-fictions.

Merciless ISP, can you not see I’m suffering? How much longer, oh ye cruel telecom gods? Connect me! Connect! ME!

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