Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Not much happening

Anyone ever used one of those washer/dryer combo thingies? Ever get the cunts to dry anything? Fuckers just steam till they mould. I smell like a tramp.

I had my eyes tested today. I must have looked quite confused, because the optometrist was extremely solicitous about my well-being. “Just through the door there, Mr Thomson. Sit down in the big black chair, by the wall. Mind the footplate.” I’m not fucking blind yet, man. I got myself here, didn’t I? I haven’t walked into Dorothy Perkins by mistake, have I? I can see the damn chair. I felt quite smug in the end because my vision’s actually improved, so take that. That. No, that. Where are you, fellow? Who turned out the lights?

Coming out of the gym yesterday, I passed by the pool, where several of my night-time fantasies had inexplicably materialised. There was steam, and bikinis, and everything seemed to be in slow motion. I might have been having a stroke, I haven’t been to the gym in a while. Maybe the place has just improved in my absence. My crickey, I need to get a girlfriend before I get arrested. I’ve got a horn that could take on a rhino.

7 comments:

  1. We were given a washer dryer in our student house.

    The first guy put his clothes in, they were washed and then singed to a crisp when the dryer didn't work properly. Could have burned the house down.

    Chris

    BTW - Where did you say that gym was? ;)

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  2. Lee, if you can solve a techie problem for me I'll round up all my female friends, photograph them in scanty bikinis and send you the pics. Because as you know, when a bunch of girls get together they only ever wear bikinis. Or possibly some very tight hotpants if its cold.
    See my blog for details of the problem: http://lightandshadeblog.blogspot.com/2007/01/behold-label-cloud.html

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  3. today's post made me laugh. out loud.

    thank god for rss feeds - thank you Lee, and i'll be tunin' in for 2007.

    (there are washer-dryers out in the world? good lord. we still have separate appliances Down Here.)

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  4. Just answering the first part of the post:

    If you've put a full load (and I'm taking clothes here) in the washer, take it out after the final rinse cycle (or whatever the heck it is) divide it up and then dry the clothes in portions so there is room for the them to move around in the drum.

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  5. I had one of those once. It would dry precisely one item at a time.

    It's back to sticking clothes on radiators for you, I think.

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  6. Very good advice, everyone. Cheers. O_R, sorry I couldn't help with the widget, but it's my loss, I suppose.

    Good Dog, I'm really not that fond of my appliances.

    Welcome to the party, d f. I'll be adding your blog to my feeds. Good to find another Shield fan, though watch out for spoilers when next it's mentioned around these parts.

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  7. One time, when getting new glasses, I thought I'd try a joke on the foxy female glasses-selling-person. She put my new glasses on me, and I sat upright, exclaiming "Oh! Specsavers?? What am I doing HERE??" - she merely smiled politely, so I was forced to execute everyone in the room, before turning the gun on myself.

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