Monday, July 31, 2006

The madness begins again

Ha’n’t it been warm? July passed me by in a succession of soggy days and sticky nights. I knackered my hip playing football, and almost broke my nose. My old friend Mark went missing, and then turned up in Paris. I rescued a mad drunken girl from a malevolent locked lavatory. Fed-up of feeling fed-up, I prescribed myself St John’s Wort to try and clear my more or less fifteen year melancholy, and when the fog lifted, decided I really hate my job. David got married and I had a wonderful weekend acting as best man, fretted about my speech for weeks and then got through it in three minutes to laughter and applause. Maybe I’ll try and YouTube that, if I ever get a copy.

Throughout this, the blog, like my garden, took on a sick yellow tinge and began sporting cracks that’d swallow a cat. Most of my visitors now come from Google, following search strings such as:
        • frightened of dying
        • scat maniac
        • it hurts your cock is too big
        • does wanking make your stomach hurt
and, bewilderingly:
        • what is on seeing the elgin marbles by keats about

As I write, I’m an hour away from August, which, socially, is going to take an even greater toll than July. This month I’ve done practically no writing that wasn’t speech writing. In August, though, I have a mission.

If you thought the two week screenplay was a mad idea, wait till you get a load of the two month TV series. This challenge, initiated by Piers, begins in 50 minutes, and ends on the 30th September. The two month series involves a group of UK writer-types who must each start from scratch to come up with a bible and sample episode for a primetime 6x60min drama. Just as with the two week screenplay, I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I have an 18 year old bottle of Glenmorangie to help me out, and I’ll try and keep you all up to date on the progress. Promise.

Category: Uncategorised


  1. You continue to impress, sir. I'm writing a pilot and bible for the Slamdance teleplay competition--but I only have to write one script by Sept. 8. So if you get demoralized, just think about how much further along you will be than me and my one little episode by the end of your two months.

    Haven't been blogging so much lately, but I'll try to keep my progress posted so we can hopefully spur each other on.

    Luck be with you, you crazy bastard.

  2. Good luck with the series challenge! I'm still scratching my head, wondering why I agreed to participate in this. I have enough scripts to not write already. By the way, you have a 45-minute episode to complete, not 60 mins. A whole 15 pages less than you were anticipating. Good news, yes?

  3. "Does wanking make your stomach hurt"?

    And they came straight to you?

    There's such a thing as the wrong kind of fame.

  4. "And they came straight to you?"

    They will now. Hopefully lots of sexually curious young ladies.

    Perhaps I shouldn't get my hopes up.

  5. Yeah, but Lee, what is on seeing the elgin marbles by keats about?

  6. Do I look like 'Arold bleedin' Bloom to you?

    Bugger off and read the poem. Tsk, kids these days, want you to do their homework for them.

  7. Come for the wanking advice, stay for the screenwriting stories!

    So, you know... does it?

  8. What did I just say about homework, hmm?