Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Give us a cuddle

Back in November, mysterious one-time visitor hopejnr left the following remark in my comments section:

Was so scared by your photo on the right that I didn't dare post a link to my site at the end of this message as I had earlier intended to do. Not that you are bad-looking, just the pose and the stare, I guess...

I thought nothing of it, some people can’t deal with the passion and intensity of the true artist. And then I found hopejnr’s site which turned out to be a blog that invites people to share their relationship problems, the first post of which read:

Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those Psycho types. My Daughter is about 23 (I'm 53). I love her to bits but find that I am also sexually attracted to her. I think she is too. Is this normal? What would a shrink out there say?

And here I am, scary.

Yesterday, the good Mr Moran made the following, thoughtless remark:

Your photo scares me a bit, the way you suddenly glare out of the screen at me when the page loads. I just thought you should know that. Makes me feel like I've been caught doing something illegal.

It hurts, I tell you, this heedless disregard for my sensibilities. Here I am, trying to project hospitality and grace, and people keep shirking from me like I’ve got a disfigurement.

So I’ve changed the fucking photo. Ladies, would you take this man home to meet your parents? Guys, fancy a pint?


Category: Meta


  1. Blimey, it's a completely different person. Before: crazed loner, Operation Ore mugshot. After: Genial man about town, always willing to make the tea first, happy to watch the Muppet Show with you. Much better.

    Still, if I look closer, there are possible hidden threats - what sort of books are they? What could be down the side of the sofa, within easy reach? Is there a body propped up on the sofa, out of shot, teacandles in the eye sockets? No officer, he seemed like such a nice, quiet man, I never would have guessed - lampshade made of human skin, you say?

  2. I see, the damage is done. Tarred by an axe-wielding maniac's brush.

    Everything was fine until you came along. But I'll get you. Oh yes, I'll get you - you and all your pretty friends too.


  3. Who are you? What have you done with Lee?

  4. It's still me, honest. Ask me a question. Anything. Something only I could know.

    Go on.

    And then run for your life.

  5. I liked the old picture. It had more atmospherics. Made you look like a properly moody Brit, like the kind you see on PBS (on Mystery! and Masterpiece Theatre, not Fawlty Towers and Are You Being Served?)

    Now you look like you are about to sell me insurance on casual Friday.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that...

    I've had my own struggles with finding a decent picture that (a) I could stand the looks of and (b) seemed like a fair representation of my overall appearance and demeanor. I cropped myself out of a media photo taken at a film festival, then decided that I looked to much like a grinning dork and not enough like an itense artist. But during a long period of searching for an appropriately intense and writerly photo--during which I put up an oh-so-witty video test pattern--I suddenly realized that I AM a grinning dork.

    And proud of it.

    So I put my original photo back up. There are some things you just can't run from.

    Like most of us, I suspect you are both a scarily intense writer dude and a perfectly likable workaday bloke at the same time.

    Maybe you should buck blog tradition and put up both representations of yourself.

    Or maybe that's just something that I saw on PBS. You know, on Masterpiece Theatre's production of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

  6. You've been duped. You look like you're getting ready to go sell paper products in Slough.



  7. It's now a victory smile from someone revelling in a well orchestrated highly illegal act.

    Honestly...there's no pleasing some.