Thursday, July 21, 2005

Why Farmer Giles never deals with middlemen.

So I got my allotment by asking a guy's wife how her husband got his. Jim (the husband) told me I should give Wally a bell. Wally tells me he thinks there might be one available, but that he needs to talk to Sid, the guy who runs them all, and he'll let Jim know the answer.

Word comes back from Indra that Jim says Wally says everything's cool, and off I go with my brute strength and cutting tools and start sweating my bollocks off.

A week later, after I've cleared half the plot ready for digging, I run into Sid and he's all "who the fuck are you, this is Mike's plot, what the hell are you doing, you bugger?" Well I tell him what I know and he wants to know who I am, so I give him my whole family tree down to my great-grandparents and we establish that he used to go out boozing with my great-uncle and my uncle took him to a Greek Street strip-club one time and that therefore I am local and to be trusted and not someone who just weirdly spends days chopping down other people's brambles for a treat.

Sid tells me he'll call Mike, who's done fuck all with the land for two years, and'll let me know if I can keep it. He calls me up later that day: Mike says he wants to hold on to the plot, so Sid's very sorry, says he'll find me another one.

I go up this morning to collect my tools, run into Mike who says Sid never called him at all, he's got no problem if I want to take over since he only pays rent on the plot so he can park his car there, but that frankly, there are better plots available and I should hold on until I hear from Sid again.

This is ridiculous. Why am I spending time on this instead of going out and trying to get laid?

Category: Meatspace

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